|Posted by mrs1millsaps on September 25, 2011 at 3:25 AM|
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve
been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These
last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your
job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even
notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a
brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep
after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you
don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re
cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far
cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown
out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice
when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was
‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if
you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because
I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned
away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it
was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that
morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I
hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to
Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a
reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.