Inner-U

Have you ever experienced the inner child-inner parent dialogue inside of you even if you are not aware of this before?  How do you describe your inner child? How about your inner parent?

Have you ever found yourself ‘talking to yourself’ in the midst of a personal struggle? Or maybe you refused to make a monologue but somehow there is this fight between one who sounded like your mother trying to be a control freak and the child that you were trying to whimp and being ‘unreasonable’?

Years ago, I discovered this inner child concept and ended up with a book by Lucia Cappachione: “Recovery of Your Inner Child.”

I was on an intense and growing desire to change, uproot a past that haunts me with all its angst and discover how I could face my current challenges by going a step back.

This concept was an important part of transactional analysis developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne.  He introduced the concept of an inner world in us made up of a parent self, a child self and an adult self.  The parent self sets out the rules, the child self feels and reacts, and the adult thinks, makes decisions and solves problems.

While there were a number of books that have been written regarding the Inner Child concept, Cappachione’s book was not about teaching the theory solely but focused more as a self-teaching guide and activity book on the subject.  A big part of the book was about the recommended activities and the examples from the author’s experience in the inner child work.

I devoured the pages of the book like watching a puzzle forming a picture.  I was impatiently so eager to get into the activity parts.

Let me share with you my personal experience with Cappachione’s book and perhaps you too can start exploring your inner child.

Meet Your Inner Child By Tapping Your Creativity:-

The interactive aspect of the book makes it challenging as well as exciting.  There are set of activities, like a craft workshop, where specific art materials are needed such as coloring pens, paper, etc.

The interesting part of the activities is that the writer asks you to write with your non-dominant hand (if you are right handed, it is your left and vice versa) when writing down a dialogue with the inner child speaking and using your dominant hand when the parent part of the dialogue is speaking.

Through training and practice, our dominant hand developed some kind of strength and control while the other hand is the awkward, weak and ‘untrained’.  As such, for the purpose of the dialogues, the non-dominant hand serve well in letting itself write from the flow of the heart.

The experience was initially frustrating as I did not know whether I was getting the right words coming from my inner child or if I was making it up.  It needed a little patience and then I discovered it started to work!  I was stunted in awe as I discovered my inner child talking and telling me things!

I do not have the papers and materials now but have recalled the most daunting, inspiring and eye-opening leap I have ever experienced in my entire life.

Identify The Figures That Influenced Your Inner Child:-

As I earned my inner child’s trust, I managed to uncover a few personalities that the little child was complaining about – some dominant female figures in my childhood environment.  Interestingly, though I was aware the kind of influence these figures gave me, I did not realize how much of who I am today still reflects the experience- in terms of my own self-confidence, how I deal with the opposite sex and dominant personalities in my current life.

This realization has allowed me to be ever vigilant in dealing with these figures in the present.

Detect Physical Connection with Your Emotions:-

In one part of the activities, I drew myself with emphasis to my relationship to my body and found a part of this body that had a bright color to emphasize on.  It was somewhere in the chest that was burning and having the longing for some warmth.  I realized that it was my longing for physical affection of touch and hug that I lacked in many stages of my life.

This eye-opener was a breakthrough that allowed me to further understand that need for healthy human touch.

Finding Your Nurturing Inner Parent:-

Sooner I confronted my inner parent and most of what I realized was that the dominant figures in my childhood reflected how I was as an inner parent – perfectionist, close-minded, biased and resistant to nurturing.  There was a lot of room for improvement and need to embrace a 360 degree change in attitude in order to be at peace with my inner child.

Synergize the Process and Everything Else Will Follow:-

True enough, as I have listened whole-heartedly to my inner child’s voice, I understood.  As I have re-framed my way of thinking as an inner parent, I opened my mind to change.  As I faced different people with different personalities, being aware of my inner child’s fears, I knew how to protect it and be vigilant with anyone whether intentionally or unintentionally, in the position to scare my little inner child.

We can say that in one way or another, we deal with the inner child-inner parent in us even unknowingly.  But knowing this concept makes it easier to sufficiently nurture and take care of the inner child and at the same time remind the inner parent of its habitual peeve for control.

Also as a parent in the outer world, awareness of this helps to provide a better experience and awareness for my kids.

By: Rob Leonardo

The 2012 tennis season was uplifting on numerous levels. Four different men—Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer and Andy Murray—took the top honors at the Grand Slam championships. Three women—Victoria Azarenka, Maria Sharapova and Serena Williams—walked away with the trophies at the four majors. Murray and Williams garnered the gold medals at the Olympic Games. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, the political world of the sport was ever compelling, filled with intrigue, rich with drama, fascinating in every way. Across the board, it was an extraordinary year for the sport, a time of triumph for a wide range of players, a trying time for some individuals, a bright and buoyant stretch for others.

All in all, it was a terrific year, and, thankfully, esteemed British tennis journalist Neil Harman of The Times crisscrossed the globe throughout the season, covering all of the majors, reporting on the Olympics, getting to every event of consequence on both the ATP and WTA Tours. Harman took on more than his customary work writing for a prominent newspaper. He was consumed with a larger and more enduring project, writing a recently published book entitled, Court Confidential (“Inside The World of Tennis”. In the book, Harman superbly captures the essence of an annual campaign in tennis. His unimpeachable credentials as one of the sport’s most well-informed international scribes are showcased admirably in Court Confidential. Harman is ubiquitous as he reports judiciously on a landmark year in the game.

He takes his readers to all of the important locations, allows them to gain a larger understanding on the plight of the leading competitors and the pressures they confront so regularly, and brings everyone much closer to the center of the game. Harman writes lucidly and stylishly in the book; the opportunity to become more expansive than he can ever be in the newspaper suits him nicely. He takes us on an entertaining and often exhilarating journey through the inner chambers of the tennis world. His observations are largely sound, and his interviews are revelatory and informative almost without exception.

For example, Novak Djokovic recollects his grueling title run at the Australian Open of 2012, when he played for nearly five hours in ousting a resilient Murray in the semifinals, and then halted Nadal in an epic five set final that lasted five hours and 53 minutes. Djokovic tells Harman, “Those were two of the most exciting matches I played in my life and winning a Grand Slam title in such fashion was fantastic. It was so grueling and physically so demanding that at times it felt like an out of body experience.”

Early on in the book, Harman accurately describes the incomparable era in which he is reporting, writing, “The superstar players are truly stunning in so many respects, as people, as athletes and as representatives of their sport. Golden age is an over-used phrase but it is difficult to come up with anything better. Djokovic, Nadal, Federer and Murray are the John, Paul, George and Ringo of the men’s game, a set of four individuals who make such sweet music. Yet, like the Fab Four, they have their foibles. On the surface they get along fine, but underneath they want to beat the others’ brains out. There are those who want to join the band, but they have not been allowed to play along. The four men at the top have lent the sport a mystical, magical sense of well-being such that tennis wishes it could stay like this forever and fears what might happen if one or more of them fades away.”

Harman’s travels took him to the ATP World Tour Masters 1000 event at Indian Wells, and the emphasis in that chapter is fittingly on the role of Larry Ellison, someone he describes as “the third-richest man in the United States.” Harman explains the background of how and why Ellison came to the financial rescue as the owner of a tournament that has long been one of the two or three most prestigious events outside of the four majors. Ellison tells the author, “I like the quality of the people who play tennis. Both Roger and Rafa are very bright, high-quality people and that is very important in terms of me spending my time (and money) working on this. I like to be inspired by people. Business is more of a marathon and there is something beautiful about ‘you won, you lost, give me the trophy, go home’. I think that is why we all love sport—it’s the challenge, the competition and the clarity when it is over.”

Before he moves on from Indian Wells, Harman reflects on Federer, who won the tournament. Federer says, “I think I’m the most honest guy to interview out here. I try to be candid because I don’t have to change who I am. People know who they get on and off the court and for me it has worked well. Sometimes people don’t like what I say but I don’t say anything bad on purpose. I’m being honest with my opinions.”

Harman then writes, “Some players feel that this ‘honesty’ encroached a little too far. There were occasions when Federer’s fluency (he is the only player to give interviews in three languages after each match) ran away from him and privately there was a degree of resentment, even outrage, about some of his statements.”

On the political front, Harman gets to the heart of why a somewhat exasperated Nadal decides to leave his post as a Vice-President on the ATP Player Council. Nadal explains, “I have been there for a couple of years. I really don’t know how to do things without putting my one hundred percent. If I go to play golf, I try my best every moment. If I go to the player council, I try my best in the player council. I put all my energy there. Finally, I believe I put too much energy there. I believe we did a few things well for the sport but I believe it’s not enough. So today I believe I am not the right one to keep working there. I think other people can do better than me today.”

Harman brings in Sergiy Stakhovsky to bemoan the struggles of the lesser ranked players who have worked so hard to earn a living. Stakhovsky says, “ To be competitive with Federer, Nadal and these guys, you have to have a coach, a fitness coach and a physiotherapist which means spending around $400,000 on travel, paying checks and accommodation, but no one from 100 to 60 in the rankings is making this money. We are not even saying that by hiring these people you are going to be competitive, but just to give you a chance.” Harman’s reporting is fundamentally fair, which is why he allows ATP board member Justin Gimelstob to counter Stakhovsky with this comment: “We need to remove emotion and look at this in a business sense. What is the player’s market value? Is Ashton Kutcher worth $ 1 million for each episode of Two and a Half Men? The market says so, so why not Federer and Djokovic? How much of that money do they bring in?.. I can’t imagine there’s ever been a period where the top four have been more engaged [with the ATP Tour}. And that’s power. That leverage.”

As one would expect, Harman turns to Maria Sharapova in his chapter on Roland Garros. Sharapova, of course, completed a career Grand Slam with her victory in Paris a year ago. He speaks with Sharapova a few days after her victory on the red clay. She reveals, “The other three Grand Slams, the days after I had that excitement where you almost want to scream. But this one I’ve just been happily content with what I’ve achieved. I still want to scream a bit, but it has been a case of walking around with this huge smile on my face. You can never really tell when something is going to happen. I did doubt. You also have to be realistic and have a very clear head. It is one thing to believe that I’m so good at what I do, I’m bound to achieve this or that, but you always have to find a way to get to that place. It doesn’t happen because you believe. My motivation was based on the fact that it was the French Open and I wanted to win it. How much more motivation does a person need?”

Meanwhile, Nadal afforded Harman some time to offer his reflections during the fortnight that he won his seventh of eight French Opens. He asked the Spaniard if he considered himself artistic.  Nadal replied, “I really wouldn’t know how to paint a house. With the music and with the art, I was a disaster…. The best was the physical. I was always good. The thing is that when I was in the school I didn’t have a lot of time for school. I went every day but my timing was 9/12 school, 12/3 tennis, 3/5 school and then 5: 30 to 7 football and 7/8:30 tennis for another time. I arrive to my home completely destroyed. But I have the personal satisfaction that I finished the [obligatory] school and I’m very pleased to do that.”

Naturally, some of Harman’s most inspired writing is in his chapter on Wimbledon, the preeminent tournament in tennis, the one he cherishes the most as both a journalist and an Englishman. As he puts it, “There is tennis, and there is the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club—or, more simply, Wimbledon. It is where tennis in its current form originated, is showcased to a gold standard, where great champions are glorified by virtue of winning the event which is watched my millions across the planet—and yet precisely how it is run, by whom, who the members are and how they became members, is something very few know a great deal about.” He then puts into perspective the mentality of reporters like himself and says self-deprecatingly, “We in the press ranks put on our best suits and ties, sharpen our pencils and our act, make believe we are quite important, talk in chintzy tones and become a bit la-di-da.”

Harman does some fine reporting from the U.S. Open that transcends the swirl of on court events. He converses in depth with USTA Executive Director Gordon Smith about the complexities of finding a way to raise a roof over Arthur Ashe Stadium. The Open was forced to play a Monday men’s final in 2012 for the fifth year in a row, and Harman asked Smith about why it was such a complicated task to put up a roof. Smith says of Ashe Stadium, “Ashe will be here long past the time any of us are present at the Open. It just needs a roof.”

Harman explains that the area required for covering Ashe Stadium is five times larger than for the Wimbledon roof. The “underlying” soil was not designed to carry any additional weight. Smith then speaks to Harman about the central dilemma: to put up a roof over Ashe would require building another building over the current building. Smith asserts, “We spent a lot of time and money with the world’s best architects, mechanical engineers and structural engineers to see if it was feasible and reasonable. For the last ten years, we’ve undergone four separate studies dealing with firms who have built cutting edge stadiums around the world, moveable roof stadiums, no-roof stadiums, all sorts. We determined that a building over this building did not make sense.”

And yet, while Harman devoted justifiable space to issues like the roof over Ashe, he always returns to the players and their pursuits. Unsurprisingly, while he does not give other top players short shrift, his central character is none other than Murray, and why not? The 2012 season was monumental to the British standout. Taking the Olympic gold medal on the lawns of Wimbledon was a crucial step, but in a larger sense his U.S. Open triumph was the seminal moment for a gifted player who had endured so many hard setbacks over the previous four years. His first major final was at the U.S. Open in 2008. He did not reach a final at a Grand Slam event in 2009, but then was beaten in one major final a year from 2010-2012 before he came through in New York, ousting Djokovic in a five set final.

For Harman—and all of the widely-travelled British writers—Murray’s breakthrough in becoming the first British man since 1936 to rule at a major was almost ineffably gratifying. The story transcended tennis in some ways. Harman vividly describes the atmosphere after Murray had won the tournament: “The scene in the corridors near the players’ locker rooms was controlled pandemonium. Sir Sean Connery wad giving interviews, and although I was admonished to ‘hug the walls’ by a security man, when Murray came past heading to his interview on SKY TV, I offered my hand, looked him in the eye and said ‘Very well done.’ He nodded and said, ‘Thanks, Neil.’ It was the best I could think of at the time…. The Djokovic backroom staff passed by, offering hugs and handshakes because, in the despair at their man losing a Grand Slam final, they said they were genuinely pleased for Andy and I suspected, for me as well. Nole paused to shake hands but didn’t stop to say any more.”

A couple of days later, Harman talked with Murray about the importance of his arrival as a champion at a Grand Slam event, and all of the pain and frustration that had gone along with it. Murray spoke with candor about the tough knocks he had taken in the process of establishing himself as an authentic champion. He said, “ It wouldn’t have mattered how many times I said, ‘I’m playing against the greatest players of all time,’ and how hard it is to win, it didn’t stop people thinking ‘oh he’ll never win’ and ‘mentally he’s not strong enough’, whatever. They thought I was just not that good. It took performances like the one at the Olympics and then the Open to change that, to make people finally realize I did have that grit and determination and an ability to win against the best in the world in the biggest matches.”

Not only did Harman encourage Murray to open up freely and candidly, but he also managed to get some excellent material from Ivan Lendl, who took over as Murray’s coach at the start of the 2012 season. At one point, Lendl says, “The human brain is the biggest area left for improvement in sports. We don’t know enough about how the mind works. When I was playing I was throwing my sentences out there in the hope that someone would contact me who understood that I was trying to get at. A lot of it can be luck. You can say something at a certain time that is looked upon as a negative and suddenly it is a positive. Part of it is feel. I have seen Andy saying about me that I have had a feel for the situation [losing Grand Slam finals] which I believe is one of my strengths.”

Lendl’s modesty is also captured by Harman. He tells the author, “I have got a lot of credit for Andy’s play this year and I’m not sure it is justified. I have tried to help him the best I can. I am there for him and if he wants to ask questions, I point things out and try to make the practices the best they can be for him. However, he’s the one who plays and if I wasn’t around, he could have had the same year. The timing could just be luck. We will never know.”

Harman’s interviews in the book are far ranging and multi-dimensional. He sits down with CEO of the WTA Stacey Allaster late in 2012 to discuss prize money. Allaster says, “This summer, I heard for the first time from my players that it is getting tougher financially and when we did our 2013 prize money distribution, we made a conscious effort to get more prize money down to the early rounds, the first group of players…. We need to show these young athletes that tennis is a sport in which you can have a viable career. To be 100 in the world you should be able to make a good living, and that is what we are trying to calibrate.”

The book covers a wide spectrum. “Court Confidential” is a very good read. Harman knows the game exceedingly well from all perspectives. He was fortunate that 2012 turned out to be such a compelling year. As Harman wrote in his preface, “I propose this book as a conscious attempt to shine a little light on a pastime where what you see on the court is merely a twinkle in the galaxy of goings-on, intrigues and tales to be told when the lights are turned off and the net taken down. There will invariably be players and officials who do not want to have me around, who don’t appreciate what I choose to write, who will fall out with me over what some might consider trivialities but which they take very seriously. A lot of people trust you, some do not. It is the way of the journalistic world.”

On balance, Neil Harman achieved his objectives and realized his primary goals. “Court Confidential” is the work of a reporter who knows his territory and appreciates the opportunities tennis has given him. His book will enlighten fans from all over the world about the world of tennis, both behind the scenes and in the public spectrum. I recommend it highly.

Book Review By: Steve Flink

*(He has been reporting on tennis since 1974. 
You can purchase Steve's latest book "The Greatest Tennis Matches of All Time" here. )*

A Step-by-Step MBSR Approach to Help You Cope with Treatment and Reclaim Your Life

Why do some people prefer heterosexual love while others fancy the same sex?  Is sexual identity biologically determined or a product of convention?

     In this brilliant and provocative book, the acclaimed author of Myths of Gender argues that even the most fundamental knowledge about sex is shaped by the culture in which scientific knowledge is produced.  Drawing on astonishing real-life cases and a probing analysis of centuries of scientific research, Fausto-Sterling demonstrates how scientists have historically politicized the body.  In lively and impassioned prose, she breaks down three key dualisms - sex/gender, nature/nurture, and real/constructed - and asserts that individuals born as mixtures of male and female exist, and as such, should not be forced to compromise their differences to fit a flawed societal definition of normality....

Review: UnKnown

My favorite book, The Alchemist, written by my favorite writer Paulo Coelho, is a beautiful Fable about following your dreams.  I love this book with all my heart and I give it as a gift whenever possible.  The gift I am sharing with you today is my favorite quotes from this inspiring and enlightening book.

“Every search begins with beginners luck and ends with the victor’s being severely tested.” By Paulo Coelho

“The Boy didn’t know what a person’s ‘destiny’ was… It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young knows what their destiny is.” page 22

“The boy and his heart had become friends, and neither was capable now of betraying the other.” The Alchemist

“Treasure is uncovered by the force of the flowing water, and it is buried by the same currents” page 25

“When each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises.” page 28

“In order to find the treasure, you will have to follow the omens. God has prepared a path for everyone to follow. You just have to read the omens that he left you.” page 30

“Don’t forget that everything you deal with is only one thing and nothing else. And don’t forget the language of omens. And, above all, don’t forget to follow your destiny through to its conclusion.” The Alchemist page 32

“When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision. “ The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life.”  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“Courage is the quality most essential to understanding the Language of the World. “ The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” The Alchemist,  page 23, by Paulo Coelho

“When you want something with all your heart, that’s when you are closest to the Soul of the World. It’s always a positive force.”  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”  Page 11

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“When you are in love, things make even more sense, he thought.”

“The soul of the world is nourished by people’s happiness. And also by unhappiness, envy, and jealousy. To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation. All things are one.”  The Alchemist p. 23 by Paulo Coelho

“I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.”  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there’s no need at all to understand what’s happening, because everything happens within you.”

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.” You’ve got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense. “

“All you have to do is contemplate a simple grain of sand, and you will see in it all the marvels of creation. Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World, and it will one day return there.” The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“In his pursuit of the dream, he was being constantly subjected to tests of his persistence and courage. So he could not be hasty, nor impatient. If he pushed forward impulsively, he would fail to see the signs and omens left by God along his path.”  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“The alchemists spent years in their laboratories, observing the fire that purified the metals. They spent so much time close to the fire that gradually they gave up the vanities of the world. They discovered that the purification of the metals had led to a purification of themselves.”  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“I learned that the world has a soul, and that whoever understands that soul can also understand the language of things. I learned that many alchemists realized their destinies, and wound up discovering the Soul of the World, the Philosopher’s Stone, and the Elixir of Life. But above all, I learned that these things are all so simple they could be written on the surface of an emerald.” The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“The boy reached through to the Soul of the World, and saw that it was part of the Soul of God. And he saw that the Soul of God was his own soul. And that he, a boy, could perform miracles.”  The Alchemist page 160

By: Jonathan Holmes

Visit him at: http://enlightenyourday.com/

He explains turning pro is a decision you make when you are ready to ditch the drama and the fear that is holding you back from your creation.

Think about life as your creation; you can make it whatever you want it to be if you make the decision. That is turning pro.  By turning pro, he is not talking about your career; although he could be. Turning pro is how you can choose to live your entire life.

As he compares the pro to the amateur, you may recognize some of the characteristics; I did. The amatuer compares herself to others and is afraid of what the others may think; the amatuer hides from her greatness.

He discusses the concept of a shadow career. Your shadow career is close to where your greatness lies, but is not quite all the way there. We’re good at what we do, but we haven’t quite turned pro yet. You know if this resonates with you.  Amateurs often choose shadow careers because our egos want to play it safe.

By: Becky Swenson

Visit her at: http://honestlybecky.com/

     When you have depression, it can feel like there's no way out. TO BEGIN changing the way you feel, you'll need an arsenal of proven techniques for lifting your mood and preventing relapse. The pocket-sized Depression 101 distills the most effective cognitive behavioral therapy skills available for treating DEPRESSION into seven manageable chapters. Soon, you'll find the way out of depression and into a healthier, happier life.

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